Wisdom With Age - Real Stories Of My Family

Father, Son, & Grandson

I remember a thousand or so years ago when I was a child. I loved my Father. Hell I idolized him, I wanted nothing more than to be exactly like him when I grew up. I would do about anything to get his attention.

I honestly remember having imaginary conversations with him. In these imaginary conversations I never said the wrong thing, I always sounded mature, respectful, smart and well spoken. I never put my foot in my mouth or annoyed him by saying something stupid or irrelevant. He was always happy to hear what I had to say, and we visited for hours and hours.

Unfortunately in the real world it wasn't like that at all. I was always using the wrong words, or saying the wrong things. I would mistake a lecture for a conversation; or a conversation for a lecture. (In our home these were different things completely.) I would attempt to answer rhetorical questions, like "Why would you do such a thing?" or not reply to real questions, like "Did you really think it would be a great idea to do that?"

And worst of all the more I would put my foot in it, the worse it would get! I would become tongue tied. I would know what I was saying didn't make sense and I was sounding like a grade "A" idiot even as the words tumbled from my mouth like wood chips from a chainsaw.

Dad would get pissed, I would get frustrated, finally the conversation would simply exhaust itself with him frustrated and wondering how I became so dense and me becoming more than a little convinced he was right. The circle of me being so worried about sounding like a fool that I actually sounded like one, and him wondering what happened to make me a chronic fool, just circled and circled, like a tornado until it just blew a canyon between us. For a few years even under the same roof there was a tension between us. We just simply couldn't understand one another. Long story short it sucked.

So, now it's a thousand years later, all the dinosaurs, and Elvis Presley have died, and my confidence as well as my belly have grown and I can usually say what I mean, and mean what I say.  Oh, I still get intimidated, and I still often say the wrong thing, but it doesn't freak me out to the point of verbal paralysis like it used to.

I used to think this issue was unique to me and my Father. I used to think that it was amplified or exasperated by the fact that my Father was a hands on type of parent, and by hands on, I mean he wasn't shy about issuing a cuff to the head or a clip to the ear when things weren't going like he thought they should. And I honestly couldn't imagine Marie striking anyone, ever.


So, and we finally come to the point.

I see this same thing happening in my own home. It's not with me; but it does happen with my Wife and my Son.

This evening I recommended that when my wife wants to just issue an instruction that she actually just text in to him.

I can actually see him tense up, and I can feel her frustration levels rise, sometimes when they interact.

But now I see that it was a different time and a different kind of parenting but the real issue is still the same. He wants more then anything in the world to impress her, and she wants more then anything else in the world to simply know that what she says, and the instructions that she issues, are heard and obeyed.

Now I know this issue will work itself out, they both love one another, and he respects her almost to the point of idolization, but I for one will be glad when this awkwardness passes.

Hopefully they will both read this blog, and be aware of what's really going on. Hopefully he will realize that she isn't judging him and finding fault with his words, and her feelings for him are locked in even if he loses his power of speech completely, and hopefully she will realize that he is hearing her, and does want to please her, but sometimes like the pimple faced teen at the Freshmen dance he just steps on her gown, and pours punch on her, because he likes her too much.

If nothing else I feel better now that I've written all of this down, and I know this will pass, and I know my family is a good one, and I'm lucky to be a part of it.

JS