For me today has been one of frustration. I've been
snappish, impatient, sarcastic, and a little mean. Long story short I have been
an ass-hole.
I didn't plan to be, but some days the world just annoys the
shit out of me. Here are just three things taken at random from a list of
thousands that have just driven me insane today.
#1 Red lights:
I think California, at least in the San Diego area, must
receive gazzillions of dollars in federal funding for stop lights, or, the Legislature
must just simply think that no one in California is smart enough to read, obey,
and understand a fricking stop sign.
I live less than 3 miles from lots of areas for shopping,
and I’ll kiss your ass if I don’t get caught at 12 fricking lights between here
and Food 4 Less.
Now I’m not talking about just a simple red light either,
and I’m not talking about just at intersections. I’m talking about full scale controlled
left and right turn, put the fricking car in park, and enjoy a cigarette stop
lights.
Now I live in Santee, not LA or even Down Town San Diego,
but these light don’t have timers to turn them to flash at like 3am on a
Tuesday morning and they don’t have sensors that might detect you are in the
only moving vehicle in a 5 mile radius. Oh no, that would just make too much
sense; but I’ll tell you what they do have on them, Cameras.
So when you decide to just go, because it’s the middle of
the night, and you want to get home, and you have to piss like a race horse,
and your hair is graying, and your mind turns to death, and you have have
already had to sit at the stop light so long that you are actually wondering if
you have time to run a hose from the tailpipe to the cab so you can just die, instead
of live in agony one second longer, the police will have your tag number and
mail you a citation.
#2 People that won’t go when the light finally turns green.
It doesn't bother me when people here text, tweet, check
e-mail, make calls, write letters, watch a Netflix movie, look at porn and pull
one off, place stock orders, read magazines, paint their nails, drink coffee,
or just roll their windows down and visit, at the stop lights… G*d knows we
have plenty of fricking time. But what does bother me is when the light finally
does change they are so engrossed in these other activities that they don’t GO!
GO! GO! GO! The fricking light is green, I’m almost out of
gas, my taxes are due in less than 3 months, PLEASE FOR Goodness SAKE! Can you
just put the fricking car in gear and GO?!?
Alas, most times they have lost their focus, and right after
the light turns yellow they will begin to go, abandoning me, along with all
hope for a better life, to repeat the cycle yet again.
THE BASTARDS!
#3 The United States Post Office.
Today we wanted to send off a letter. I know it’s Sunday but
the lobby at the Post Office is open and I know they have a vending machine,
and I have a credit card so the Mrs. and I are off to get a stamp.
Sounds pretty simple isn't it?
Well this vending Machine is something else, it’s about the
size of a refrigerator, and has a touch screen, with what seems about a 5
minute lag. It goes something like this.
Press Start to begin.
I press start, nothing happens, I wait, still nothing, I
look to the Mrs., still waiting, shrug my shoulders, wait some more, roll my
eyes, waiting waiting, turn to walk away, and the screen changes.
Are you mailing a package or letter? It asks.
I choose letter, and press the screen.
Nothing… wait, wait, wait, still waiting, wait, scratch,
shuffle my feat a little to relieve the risk of blood clots, wait, wait, still
waiting, wait……….. and
Does your letter contain explosives, acids, alcohol,
chemicals, or any other toxic substances?
Wait another half of a lifetime…. Finally.
Please place your envelope on the scale, and type in the
destination zipcode.
Do you want insurance?
Do you want a return receipt?
Are you mailing more than one letter?
Would you like to send it certified?
Would you like to send it next day air?
(There are at least 40 or 50 more questions that I can’t
recall. Are you imagining a 5 minute wait between each question? Because there
is one. I think I started to black out a little between the questions, it was
torturous, like waiting in a foxhole cramped and wet, as artillery comes closer
and closer, having to maintain radio silence and afraid to stick your head up
because of sniper activity.)
Finally like the pitch black sky turning a slightly less
inky shade of black with the coming dawn, I begin to realize we must be getting
close to the part where I can scan my fricking credit card. This laggy, appliance
sized, blue, monstrous, piece of tax payer purchased, shit, has finally
determined that my total bill is .47 cents.
I’m ready! We’re almost there.
Of course the machine can’t charge the card for less than
one dollar and forty three cents.
“Fine” my wife and I proclaim in unison. Sell us 2 or three
stamps, we will just carry home what we don’t use.
But then the machine tells us that it actually prints
shipping labels and would like to know what size we would like 1.43 cent
shipping label to attach to our business sized envelope.
Now honestly, this is what we pay for? This is the service
that the USPO gives to it’s customers? Honestly I can’t wait until the Post
Office is bankrupt, it is nothing more than an example of every single thing
that is wrong with the US Government. Honestly I think I would have been doing
Santee, San Diego, and The United States of America a huge service, had I just
doused the building in Kerosene and burned it to the fricking ground.
Finally we just left.
This is how my whole day has been.
JS
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